Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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