you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
