Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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