You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
