cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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