Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
