I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
