We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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