did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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