I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
