so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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