he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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