Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Randomize
