I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
