He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
