I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
