your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
