I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
