Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
