I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
