respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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