She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
