that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
