talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
