should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
