The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
