I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
