wanna go halves on a baby?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
