He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
