If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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