I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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