how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
