I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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