i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
My feet surprised me
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
