i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
