I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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