We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
