just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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