I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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