worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I just gargled with NyQuil
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
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