Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Randomize
