It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
