this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Randomize
