my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
