i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
