i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
