We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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