Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
