you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i was born a porn star she said
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
where are my pants?
in the oven.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
