Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
