There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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