it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I want to fling myself into the sun
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
