so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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